7 June 2022
It started with a question, ‘how do you cook cauliflower?’ Thirteen years on, Harbour Hospice’s Men’s Group on the Hibiscus Coast is a thriving support group that consistently brings in more than 20 bereaved men every session.
“The original idea was that we’d teach these men how to cook,” the group’s coordinator, Harbour Hospice spiritual carer Vincent Maire explains. “We’d had an elderly gentleman come into hospice one day and ask us how to cook cauliflower. All his married life his wife had never let him in the kitchen and now that she’d died, he didn’t know how to cook anything.”
While the group started out offering cooking lessons, Maire quickly learned that the real reason the men were turning up was because they wanted to be in the company of others who might be in the same situation.
“This is a group of men who are all on the same journey. They’ve lost their wives and now there’s a gap in their lives. This helps them to accept that they are not alone.”
The men meet every second Tuesday and enjoy a cooked lunch together followed by a talk from a guest speaker. They range in age from their 60s through to their late 90s.
If the focus was on grief every week, Maire doesn’t think the men would come. “Men, particularly older men, are often reluctant to seek group support in case they cry in front of others. So, we invite speakers who talk about a range of topics. One had run a school in Jerusalem, another had worked with refugees in Iraq. Another was an expert on alternative medicines. We even had a park ranger come in and talk about his job.
“The men just quietly support each other and they find a sort of camaraderie in knowing that the guys sitting either side of them have experienced what they’re going through.
“From time to time I'll hear them talking quietly to each other, giving a bit of advice. They’re really a remarkable group of men and the loveliest bunch of guys.”
To find out more about our Men’s Group and other support groups offered at Harbour Hospice click here.
