19 November 2024
When patients and families feel they are being supported in a culturally responsive way, trust is developed and they feel more comfortable engaging with health professionals. In turn, better health outcomes are achieved. At Harbour Hospice cultural support is offered to Asian patients and their families to bridge communication and connection and minimise barriers for people to access hospice support. Here, Richard Wong shares he and his wife Drena’s experience of Harbour Hospice care.
My wife Drena and I have been married 46 years. We met through a colleague’s wife who invited us over for dinner. She was match-making us! To begin with there wasn’t any chemistry for me. We chatted together fine, but the reason we got together is because Drena kept contacting me!
At the time I was starting out as a foreign exchange dealer in Malaysia. I was working 14-hour days and going back into the office through the night. I was on call 24/7 with the phone always by my bed. My mind was often on work, but Drena understood that was my job.
We got married and had three sons.
In 1987 we moved to New Zealand and even though I had all of this experience in the banking industry I was unable to get the same type of job. I had to take a customer services role. No one would give me a chance.
Through this, Drena remained by my side. She’s very friendly, a lot of people like her. She will help people wherever she can.
In 2018 we began to notice changes in Drena. We went to see a doctor and she was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (MND) – a neurodegenerative disorder.
Drena was still able to communicate. She was able to walk on her own with just a bit of guidance and she was able to read and write. But the doctor predicted that she would deteriorate gradually, and that is what happened. I continued to take care of her, with the care getting a bit more difficult as the years went on.
Drena had once worked for a legal firm, and later in her career as a broker. But MND took her ability to speak. She lost movement in her right arm. Then she was not able to walk. We needed a walker then a wheelchair and she could only stay in the downstairs part of the house.
Harbour Hospice became involved in Drena’s care in 2022, following a GP referral. I began receiving visits and phone calls from a hospice cultural support person, Natalie.
Natalie asked me whether I’d arranged power of attorney for my wife. I hadn’t, and I didn’t have the finances for legal fees so she advised me on how to go about that. It took me a year to arrange, I went through quite a few lawyers before I found one who could help. But we got there.
Natalie arranged for me to attend a carers support group at hospice, to connect with other carers, and Drena was able to go into Harbour Hospice’s Inpatient Unit for respite care. She went three times and each time was for a week, to give me a break. Natalie tried to say to me, ‘We will take care of Drena for you. You don't have to come in. Go and rest.’ I would say ‘okay, okay’ but then I would still go. I visited Drena every day because this was my promise to her.
At the beginning of 2024 I was diagnosed with cancer. My cancer is treatable so I am not under the care of hospice, but Natalie is still helpful. She gave me information so that I could arrange for Cancer Society volunteer drivers to take me to my treatment sessions at hospital. And she arranged for hospice volunteer community visitors to stay with Drena while I was having treatment.
In April 2024 Drena was moved into an aged residential care facility. I visit her twice a day and stay with her one to two hours.
I am not able to communicate with my wife, but I can sit beside her and tell her about the weather and what’s happening in the world, and she can squeeze my hand. Sometimes she squeezes my hand very hard. I do not want her to feel abandoned.
People say to me, ‘life must be hard for you’. Well, I look at things quite differently from a lot of people.
I believe that what will happen will happen. And if something goes wrong there’s no point in saying ‘you should have done this’ or ‘you should have done that’. It makes no difference.
When I was a trader I could lose and gain a lot of money in one day. I had to learn how to accept things and take it and walk on. This is me accepting things and walking on.
I am grateful to have the support of hospice and people like Natalie. I share a lot of things with Natalie and she will always say, ‘Oh, this is what you can do.’
To me Natalie is very knowledgeable. The help she gives makes things so much easier. She doesn’t say, ‘I’ll do this for you.’ She gives me the source so that I can get it done. This is my life, and these are the things that help.
To read more about how Harbour Hospice is working to reduce inequalities and improve access and outcomes for all, see our latest Impact Report.
