5 May 2025
A tale of two sisters who moved back in with their mum to care for her in her final weeks, with Hospice support.
It’s been years since Hayley Farnworth shared a bed with her sister, and even longer since she slept in the same room as her mum. But during the last few weeks of her mum Lorraine’s life the trio stayed close, sleeping side by side each night. Lorraine, in a hospital bed in her bedroom, and Hayley and her sister, Juanita, beside their mum in her bed.
“It was a really special time,” Hayley says. “And Mum loved that the three of us were together. Mum was very open during that time, and she would talk about all sorts of things. We did a bit of planning for her funeral together. We listened to music, looked at verses together, photos and memories. It was hard at times, but precious, and I’d do it a thousand times over again.”
Lorraine was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in late 2024 and told she didn’t have long to live. In January 2025 Hayley moved in with her, intending to stay just a week to help her adjust to using her new medications. “But I could see Mum couldn’t be on her own. It was too much for her and she was struggling with acceptance. So, I didn’t go home. I left the kids in my husband’s capable hands and that’s where I lived for the next seven weeks. Juanita moved in soon after, too.”
Harbour Hospice came on board to support the family not long after Lorraine’s diagnosis. “Mum wanted to stay at home and hospice was supportive of us doing that,” says Hayley. “Mum lived at Kensington Park in Orewa which was just a really safe, happy place for her. She had lots and lots and friends there. We didn’t really know how things would work, but I just said we’ll work it out as we go along, and Hospice became more involved over the weeks.”
"Each time Hospice came they just made things better. They reassured us and made us feel safer. They gave us confidence to keep going.”
- Hayley
To begin with, Hospice support came in the form of community nurse visits. “The nurses were providing the same level of care and support, but they were all different in their own way. Some were quite matter of fact, which we needed. Some were very empathetic and nurturing, which we also needed. They and the hospice doctors were all wonderful.”
A Hospice occupational therapist began assessing Lorraine’s needs and bringing equipment that made it safer for her to be at home, and Lorraine benefitted hugely from regular sessions with a hospice counsellor. Hayley was impressed that the hospice team always seemed “one step ahead”. “They would make suggestions for extra equipment, for example, and we’d wonder whether we needed it. We would decide to go ahead and try it and, inevitably, then realise how helpful these things became.”
Lorraine loved her visits from Hospice’s complementary therapist, who would give her gentle massages. Hayley says, “I thought about it afterwards. Mum had been on her own for more than 10 years since Dad died, and I think she just loved the touch, and the care. Clare really helped Mum feel better about the situation. Everyone from Hospice did. They made us feel like Mum’s care mattered.”
Hospice was there in the scary moments, too, Hayley says. “There was one night, in the middle of the night, when I had to ring Hospice’s 24-hour helpline because Mum was not doing well. I didn’t know what to do. The voice at the end of the line was very calm, very reassuring, very comforting.
“But really, the biggest thing Hospice gave us was the reassurance that we could do this. Because, at times, I did wonder whether we really could provide the best care for Mum. I questioned whether we were doing the right thing, whether we should be looking for a care facility for her to go into. But each time Hospice came they just made things better. They reassured us and made us feel safer. They gave us confidence to keep going.”
In Lorraine’s final few days she slept most of the time. But in one perfect moment she opened her eyes briefly, smiled at her daughters and told them, ‘I’ll be okay.’
“That was huge,” Hayley says through tears. “Because up until that point she’d struggled to come to terms with her life ending and I think she was scared. Those words brought such comfort and relief.”
On Friday 21 February 2025 Lorraine quietly slipped away as her daughters had their morning showers.
Hayley says she is grateful for those final seven weeks together. “We wouldn’t have had that time if not for Hospice. I think that for anyone who is facing the end of their life, all you can hope for is that they will be well cared for and respected and surrounded by love. That’s what Harbour Hospice enabled us to do.”
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